Dear Professor Brad Blackstone,
My name is Vishanth and I am writing this letter to introduce myself and
to share my goals with you. I am currently a first-year student pursuing a
degree in mechanical engineering. I am also currently taking one of your
classes on communication and critical thinking.
The main reason for choosing to become an engineer was because of my
curiosity around our daily lives. I always wanted to know how things work and
function. This passion that I had is what made me choose a diploma in
mechatronics for my studies during polytechnic, as I will learn the
fundamentals of mechanical, computer and electrical engineering.
During my studies in Temasek Polytechnic, I was further fuelled to
pursue a career in engineering because of my involvement in my major project, where
I was given the opportunity to help in the design and assemble of the urban concept
vehicle for the Shell Eco Marathon Competition. This project has allowed me to
apply the knowledge I have learnt in the classroom to real world application,
and I was also one of the key members of this team. I have applied knowledge
such as engineering drawing and engineering design to help in the design of the
car. One of the key learning points I’ve learnt in this project is assembling
and manufacturing a physical prototype is vastly different from the CAD design,
as I had to take in consideration all different design challenges during
assembly like tolerances and constraints.
One of my weaknesses that I face is that I have trouble when it comes to
presenting to a large group. Every time I am mentally prepared to present, I
always end up getting scared and nervous which results in me not being able to
express my points fluently and clearly. This has always troubled me, and I want
to fix it. One of my strengths I would say is my ability to communicate
nonverbally through body language, such as good posture and hand gestures. However,
I believe that having only good body language is not enough as you need to be able
to present your thoughts properly too.
The goals I have for this module is not only to improve my talking
skills especially in front of a large group but also my writing skills.
Although I've attended polytechnic courses to hone my writing abilities, I
still feel like I could use more assistance. Even though I think my nonverbal
clues are effective, I still feel like I have a lot to learn about it. I hope
that by the end of this module I will have further improved it.
What makes me special is that I tend to treat everyone with kindness
regardless of who they are. Any of my friends would answer that I am
"nice" if you were to ask them to describe who I am in one word. I
believe this is what makes me different from others.
I would like to say thank you for taking your time to read through my
email.
Yours sincerely,
Vishanth
Commmented on: Jun Heng, Zaki, Qayyum and Cephas
[Revised on 23/11/2023]
Well organized of your paragraphs and going straight to the point.
ReplyDeleteGreat in content and language use.
i think it is good to include one of your strength.
Everything is explained straight to the point, with your key point being explained in a clear and concise manner. I also like how one of your goals is to continue improving on a skill of yours which is the non-verbal cue. Shows that you are keeping an open mind to new experiences which can teach you a thing or two.
ReplyDeleteEverything is straight to the point, needed to write what you are suppose to write and gave sufficient elaboration on your strength and weakness. Hope that through this class, you can improve on what you want to improve on
ReplyDeleteNice and straight to the point. The only improvement I can think of is that you could put your strengths in front/ in a separate paragraph on top of your weakness to highlight it more. On the first read I thought that you did not put in your strength.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Vishan, for this very informative letter. I especially appreciate learning about your Shell competition project experience and how you had to go beyond CAD design. I am impressed by how you describe the project in detail.
ReplyDeleteYou also do a good job breaking down tour comm skills and connecting needs to goals.
Your language use is well done in this letter but there are some minor issues:
1. punctuation
-- However I believe there is no point .... > (after transition words?)
2. overuse of caps
-- ...pursuing a degree in Mechanical Engineering. > (caps needed?) ?
-- the Urban Concept Vehicle > (sure about this?)
-- Yours Sincerely, > (both words?)
Overall though this is a fine effort.
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thank you for the feedback sir. I will make the necessary amendments.
Delete